We all seek a lifestyle.

Some vision of a life that we feel we should emulate. Some of us mirror our paths after the life that our parents lead, showing us a lifestyle at a young age. And we embrace it as our own. Others look outside of their families for a guiding vision of what a lifestyle should be and all that it should entail. And still others look to the mass media and the Joneses for a guiding beacon in this world of consumption and materialism.

We fight to see what our lifestyle should be and what others will accept as normal, respectable and admirable. But what if we’ve chosen a lifestyle that is not our own?

A lifestyle of street art in Anncey, France.

What if we’ve chosen to emulate something that we think- or our ego thinks- is the right life only to find out that the reality is a slow, painful death. A life devoid of love, compassion, simplicity or stillness.

What if the lifestyle we’ve chosen is unsustainable for our families, our communities and our own sanity?

What do we do then?

We change.

We radically embrace the fact that our vision was skewed. We forgive ourselves for embracing a distorted vision- for it is truly possible that our intentions were in alignment with our desires when we began building our lives- and we look at the places where we went wrong.

We embrace the person we are now. Not yesterday and not a future self- but who we are now, in this moment. We stop and understand that the person who stands before us is all that we have and in order to be true to this person, we have to embrace our faults. And forgive ourselves for making these mistakes.

Once forgiveness happens, we can change our lives.

We can find Happiness in the simplicity of just being. We can seek to alter our reality in a way that gives us the things we overlooked in building our original lifestyles.

When we shed the chains of outside perceptions on lifestyle and conformity, we can embrace that true desire that constantly lurks just below the surface.

When we shed the weight of modernity and all its social norms, we can be that person we always envisioned- before the outside world homogenized normal.

We can become artists, craftsmen and miners. We can become visionaries, creators and philosophers.

When we embrace OUR lifestyle, we make the world a little more beautiful as we pass through.

What do I see around me?

I see people who have checked out. I see Zombies zooming down the highway in their cars, texting instead of driving, rushing from one place to another- never bothering to be present in the place they are- always worried about the next task on the list.

I feel the loneliness of a humanity that has decided that the rush to consume and the madness of distraction is better than the time it takes to engage with real people.

I feel the energy of a community that is fighting to understand one another- and wondering where all the joy has gone.

I see sadness in people eyes. I see their fatigue and I touch their disengagement.

I wonder when we all collectively disengaged from one another. Was it when cell phones became the norm? Did it happen when emails became a regular means of communication rather than writing letters. Did it happen when Facebook took over people’s free-time and became the defining narrative of friendships and interaction.

Rush hour- a breeding ground for Zombie conversions.

I meet people today who have lost the ability to step out of their own drama and see a person for who they truly are. People who are so engrossed in their own bubbles that they have lost the ability to engage in normal human interactions.

People who judge based on preconceived notions. People who hate based on their own projections- not actual reality. People who spread anger, fear and drama as if they were necessary for our very survival.

When, in fact, the seeds these people are sowing are slowly destroying the beauty of humanity.

These are the things I see. These are the things I try to avoid looking at and acknowledging their existence. I often wonder if I’m seeing things as they are or how I anticipate them to be. I wonder why I see the world this way, when others are able to gloss over the reality they see before them and pretend it doesn’t exist.

There are days where I see the happiness in people. Days where I have conversations with strangers that make me smile. Days where I see people visibly react to my own positive energy- the energy I try to put out into the world everyday.

Days when I see humanity beginning to beat down the Zombies– days when I feel maybe this society will awaken to all that we could be and should embrace.

Such days exist– I just hope they begin to outweigh the days when the Zombies reign.

Do you walk through your day with a blind eye to the kindness and compassion that stands before you?

Do you shield yourself with the ancient wisdom of the world’s religions which you’ve twisted and tormented to justify your anger and hatred towards others?

Do you use your past to give merit to the negativity and hatred you place into this world- sucking the beauty and the soul out of everyone that allows you into their lives?

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see a strong, powerful soul standing before you? Someone in control of their life, their destiny and their path in this world?

Or do you fear the mirror? Do you gaze at your reflection with fear and judgement? Do you blame the world for what is reflected back at you? Do you lack the vision to see that you- and only you- have the ultimate say in the composition of this reflection before you?

When did your eyes stop seeing all that life could be? When did you become blind to the world around you and the love that was yours? When did your eyes begin to filter and destroy the good and leave only the misery?

When did life become so painful that your world went dark?

Detachment. Loss. Letting go. Surrender.

How often in the modern world do we ever discuss these simple- yet powerful words?

How often do you hear casual discourse about letting a material object go? How often do you hear people discuss letting a relationship fall gently to the side due to it’s high toxicity level? When was the last time you heard someone lament their detachment to the dwelling where they rest their head at night?

Almost never. Unless you’re lucky enough to live in a Buddhist retreat, a Portland/Boulder-esque city or a hippy commune- its probably a rare occurrence to discuss how blessed we are to recognize our detachment to the things in our life.

Rather, in the Whirlwind, people are gushing over their attachment– to the latest gadget, their dramatic relationship or the home they lavish most of their resources towards. I’m just as guilty as the next- only, I’m blessed in the sense that I have experienced loss, letting go and the occasional blessed freedom of detachment.

I struggle to keep these principles in balance as I travel through this Whirlwind of attachment and chaos. I am lucky in that I know how little I need to actually enjoy my existence on this planet. I know the necessities that allow me to love well, to live well and to simply enjoy being. And if I’m lucky enough– I’m able to remember those simple elements that maintain balance as I travel through this Whirlwind.

My heart aches to see so many people traveling through this world with a true fear of loss, detachment and change. People who cling to what was- no matter how unhealthy, toxic and destructive- for fear of the change in letting go.

So many people who have never had the opportunity or been shown how to simply surrender.

For once you walk the path of total surrender– the process of letting go fully and completely– navigating through the Whirlwind becomes a manageable and sometimes enjoyable journey. But without that trust in the unknown, trust in the simple act of letting go– regardless of what lies beyond — the sheer magnitude of of that abyss keeps people trapped in that perpetual cycle of hate, anger, drama and defeat.

If we could all simply let go and embrace a small degree of detachment- just a little– the Whirlwind might not be so chaotic and I might not see so many Zombies traveling through their days unengaged and out of synch with the beauty that surrounds them.

This essay was inspired by an article from Shambhala Sun’s 11/2012 issue titled The Vagabond Queen of Craigslist by Atisha Paulson.

What do you put inside your precious 24 hours?

Who do you spend a portion of those hours with? Do they bring joy and beauty into your world– or pain and sorrow?

Are you actually present with the special people you place in your world- or is your mind elsewhere? Are you listening to the person who stands before you– or are you recalling a dramatic conversation at work, reviewing your to do list for tomorrow or simply wishing it were next month when your madness should subside?

You understand that your world is overwhelming. This world you’ve designed and crafted over the years. What have you filled it with? Are the activities fulfilling? Are the people inspiring? Is your work meaningful– does it have impact?

Or are the people you see every day draining? Do they place their petty dramas in your lap and steal the precious moments you have and waste them on meaningless thoughts and empty actions? Do the people who really deserve your time and attention get pushed away because of the life-sucking zombies you allowed into your world?

Or does your work take all of your energy? Does your work render you useless to others, devoid of energy, zeal and love?

Is this the struggle you envisioned when you entered adulthood? Did you see fighting to merely get through the day as your battle for making a mark in this world? Did you mean to place the best part of YOU out into the abyss for others to use, steal and manipulate for their own gain?

Or did you envision something different for your life? Did you see your struggle as a fight between the beauty you see in the world and keeping the danger at bay? Did you see yourself standing against the world to live a life in YOUR vision- not the narrative manufactured to sustain a consumption-based capitalistic economy?

Did you see yourself fighting to make a difference in this world? To create art that shifted perceptions, changed lives and touched this world in a way that is needed- is necessary? Did you see yourself with all the beauty and talent you were giving making something so delicate, so intricate, so touching that people would never be the same having crossed your path?

Did you see your life as not a STRUGGLE, but a SYMPHONY?

Can you not return to that vision? Can you not eliminate the elements of your world that are complicated and return to a simple life again?

You can leave the world of the Zombie and allow your beauty and vision to dictate your life. It can be done, it must be done.

Or the simple life you envision, the simple life you deserve, the simple life you need to survive in this world will never be yours.

Define your simplicities. Say NO to the people who complicate your life. Eliminate the drama. Remove the meaningless interactions.

Claim your life again. Step into your power and make this world yours. Fight to make art that matters- to make a life that has meaning.

This world needs more warriors who are willing to embrace a Simple Life and destroy the narrative that is creating a society of Zombies.

Live Simply.

Every so often, you find that person.

The person who is worth the risk. The person that brings a fiery Love and passion into your life that you had only heard of before you met. The person who justifies actions you would have thought insanity before they entered your world.

Some of us have experienced such a Love. Others thought they had found it, but were ill-equipped to embrace the depth of such a Love.

Others merely lack the capacity to understand what Love is at all.

There is a journey in Love. The journey is not easy nor is it practical. Hell, sometimes its not even logical. But a Love that touches your Soul will show you a world you didn’t know existed– and will show you a side of yourself that you only hoped existed.

A little Love strolls through the streets of Paris.

The Love of the Soul will pull up the emotions that turn you into a weeping child or a passionate goddess. The Love of the Soul will place you before a cliff and ask you to leap– without a parachute or a safety net.

The Love of the Soul will push you to the edge. You’ll close your eyes and take that step– knowing that sometimes, the free-fall is the most exhilarating part of the journey. It’s the unknown beauty that exists as you spread your arms, lean into nothingness and just soar through the air.

You might crash. It might hurt. You may break. But the Love of the Soul knows no other way. Such a Love will place you on that perpetual boundary of exhilaration and fear. And if you do break, if the Love of the Soul takes you a place of pain and sorrow- the depth of this pain will reflect the depth that this Love touched your Soul.

But hopefully, at the end of your life, a glance back at the journey through the Love of the soul will reveal the depth at which you lived your life. No matter the duration of this Love- whether it lasted a lifetime or simply a spot on the timeline of your life- the fact that it existed at all and that you allowed yourself to embark on such a journey makes your life a beautiful endeavor.

For truly, to never know a love of the soul might be one of the saddest and most tragic side effects of modernity. To be so caught up in the surface dramas– the empty Facebook narratives of others, that you miss the love before you– or walk away from it in disgust and anger– is truly one of the worst side effects of the current state of our society.

May you all know the Love of the Soul at some point in your lives.

May you all recognize Love when it stands before you and invites you in for tea.

May you all understand its beauty when it exists in your life.

And if such a love existed in your life and was later taken away, may you find solace in the grace and beauty that it existed at all– and that you were blessed enough to experience the Love of the Soul.

What exactly is a simple life?

Excellent question– with no true definitive answer. Everyone’s definition of simple is different and completely subjective.

Over the past few years, I’ve made strong connections with people all over the world based on a lifestyle anchored in simplicity.

My perspective of simplicity:

A life without internal chaos.

A life without drama.

A life with time.

A life with the space for exploration and the freedom for introspection.

Now I’m tasked with making my simple life work in a world of chaotic races through the concrete jungle. I now have to employ all my internal philosophies, powers of observation and Taoistic beliefs towards maintaining a simple life in the place where I now live.

As I walk this edge of simple living versus chaotic existence, I will take you along for the journey. I will explore my internal conflicts and the external realities I see everyday. I will pose questions of lifestyle, spirituality and manifestation as they cross my paths in this world.

For many of us straddle these worlds I’m touching upon. Many of us already live a simple life– but function within an external world of madness. Many of us yearn for a simple life and fear the chaotic world we’ve created.

A world created out of necessity, out of adherence and out of social acceptance. A world created out of the fear of scarcity– of not having enough or of not fitting in with our peers.

A world created out of the fear of being alone.

Many of us are now faced with life-altering decisions about how to move forward and closer align ourselves with our authentic self — and in doing so, moving towards a simpler life.

None of this reality is easy.

Embracing a simple life is not something that anchors our economy or fuels our social discourse. Our politicians don’t want you to live a simple life and our financial institutions fear the day when the consumer ceases to be the anchor of our economy.

Living with less is not a topic that’s embraced at happy hour or tossed about at the water cooler.

But secretly, many people want to have this discussion. They NEED to have this discussion. Many people want to return to a simpler time. A life with TIME to spend with their loved ones and BE PRESENT. A time when we are not on call 24/7 from a plastic device that rests in our pockets. Many of us yearn to unplug from the digital world completely now and then– and not fear the repercussions that such a disconnect could create.

Our society is longing to be reconnected with the Simple.

A Simple life.

A Simple love.

A Simple existence.

What does a Storytelling Traveler write about when the traveling stops? This has been my struggle for the past six months. And I still don’t have an answer.

The East Coast- where I’m currently residing- has many challenges for me. This region of the world is so far engrained in the rat race that I feel that energy to my core. So much so, that rather than settle in the city, as I’d planned, I’m living in a Barn in the countryside. And it’s keeping me sane.

My Barn- and soon to be artist's studio- w/a traditional darkroom!

But the more challenging aspect of this shift in my life is the loss of words. I’m not sure if I just have less to say or if I’m just trying to adjust to this radical shift and location that doesn’t agree with me but the words don’t come to me now. I know one major problem is that many of the lifestyles I encounter here are in direct conflict with much of what I’ve written on this blog.

And when the words do find their way into my brain and the muse says, OK- let’s get these words out- the inner sensors start to filter everything that comes out.

It sounds like this:

Will this essay offend so-and-so who is part of my business/personal/recreational life?

Will so-and-so read this and make a verbal/personal attack on me and the people I love?

Will this editor or that creative director read this and think I’m a nut-job and not hire me?

Will my online community read this and think I’ve sold out or have crawled in bed with the evil consumption over-lords of the world?

Does this essay still align with the person I was last year and the person I am becoming now?

And the inner-gnomes go on and on and on.

Until the words that come out are piles of vanilla shit that really have no purpose than for me to try and hit the publish button on my almost 3 year old blog. And the words are so awful, I don’t even bother taking them out of my free-writing program into the editing phase.

I just let them rot and die on my computer.

And this makes me sad. It makes me question my choices and my own mental state that I can not focus and create good work in this environment. Correction- I can create excellent commercial work in this environment and always have when I’m on the East Coast. But powerful, personal, creative work, meaningful art? That’s another story.

I wonder if I have the mental strength to by-pass the creative blocks that this region of the world presents for me. I ponder this all the time. And now that the whirlwind of my personal life has died down and I’ve dealt with the emotions of losing my dog, moving to a new city, rebuilding a business that I thought was a past chapter in my life and this radical lifestyle change, I’m hoping I can make the shift into creative soul living on the East Coast.

One of the more fascinating aspects of this relocation is trying to explain my life to people. The social situations I find myself in are predominately professional settings and in some cases, with senior executives of large firms. They always ask where I moved from and my answer still has no clear definition. Sometimes I choose the easy route and say South Carolina- technically, it’s true.

But what about those 2 years of living nomadically all over the world? What about those lovely years of travel, exploration, struggle and art? What about the RV in Arizona and the Grand Canyon on my driver’s license? What about the summer in Europe and the winters in the desert? What about the months in Alma, Colorado when me and my dog nearly froze our asses off in the highest town in the country? What about the first Walkabout and the meandering through the West on trains, planes and automobiles?

What about all that I have been and all that I’ve seen the past two years since this blog started? When I tell someone a glossed over version of my past few years, I think a little part of me dies. I think I’m actually denying who I am and the creative person I’ve become because I’m afraid of the perceptions of strangers. Maybe that’s why the words have stopped- I’ve diminished their meaning because I’ve entered a world where people don’t understand a life like mine.

Another fascinating aspects of this transition is the internal comparison that happens, almost constantly, as I travel through my days here. My days are filled with meeting amazing new people who have accomplished quite a bit at the same age as me, or even younger. Our conversations are filled with topics like business development, investments and children. Now, I love some biz dev topics, but the rest of it is so foreign to me. My life is so different that at times, I look at all that I don’t have and didn’t build and think that I’m inadequate or don’t belong in this conversation.

I’m an anomaly.

Yep. That's me.

Yet, when our conversations drift towards art, exploration and travel, I can’t stop telling stories. I know people see my life as this thing they can hardly comprehend and a thing of beauty- when I actually tell them about it.

I feel as though I’m living two lives right now. I’m clinging to the person I became through my traveling and writing and experiencing the world. This person will always choose experience over stability, adventure over savings and beauty over routine. This person has always been a part of me- she just got to take the reins the past two years and have her way. This person is a minimalist, needs constant unknown environments and doses of external chaos and challenge to stay sane.

The other me, the me that is trying to wrestle the reigns back from the free-spirit, is the one who understands the role of stability in an adult’s life. She knows that the bills have to be paid, food needs to be on the table and since we’re not a nomad anymore, this has to happen with regularity and predictability. She also knows that with the right focus and stability, the artist is more than capable of making a living with her talents and skills. So she’s playing the professional game. And doing it well, I might add.

And at the end of a long week, when I get into my 17 year old pickup truck- whom I pat on the dashboard and gently ask her to get me through this period of transition until I move to the city or get a daily driver- I have to laugh at myself. I’m truly straddling two completely different worlds and I don’t want to let go of either. I have no desire to work 60+ hours a week, drive a fancy car and live in my inbox. Yet, I no longer want to live perpetually out of my suitcase wondering where the next bed will come from and wear the same shoes everyday.

So, what do I want?

I’d like a little balance please. Just a little. I want to navigate these new waters of a settled life with my grace and sanity intact. I want to feel at peace with my decisions to not participate in the mass consumption game that most of the folks in this part of the world participate in. I want the words to come freely and the art to flow without fear.

I want to proudly say that I’m not from anywhere. Or maybe that I’m from everywhere.

Seeking balance at the VMFA's Asian Art exhibit.