Are We Losing the Art of Conversation?

Have you looked around your coffee shop recently and noticed the incessant tapping of keys and the glow of laptops?  Noticed the lack of conversation, the lack of personal interaction- minus the chatting of the barista making your coffee? Have you had the opportunity to talk with a stranger recently, and chose the fabulous sounds of your iPod instead?

Yea, I’m guilty of avoiding conversations.  Yea, I’m writing this in a coffeeshop- tapping away at the keys on MY laptop.  I get the hypocrisy, but hear me out…

When did we lose the ability to converse with one another?  Did we actually lose this ability or are we afraid to actually have the meaningful conversations with virtual strangers that helps solidify the human connection?

Tibetan monks gather at the main temple in Dharmshala, India each evening to engage in the art of debate.

I am currently living in an area where conversation is taken for granted.  When I sat down at a bar last week for a late lunch, two guys sat next to me and we talked about the silly shit that came on the HLN “news” channel.  And I couldn’t help but think, can we have a meaningful conversation?  Can we, as strangers, immediately bypass small talk, the weather and this week’s NASCAR race and actually talk about something of consequence.  But as I attempted to interject that vein of conversation, I received blank looks.  And the fumes of Budweiser coming from this crew reinforced my anticipation that the conversation wasn’t going anywhere.

Can we talk about something of meaning- something of consequence?  Talk about the deep places in your being?  The trials you’ve overcome? The dreams you are living, the places you are going in life.  The deep caverns you’ve traveled to in your past and the walls you climbed and leaped off of to exit your dark caverns.

Are we that scared of our own inner dark and twisty places that we can’t risk engaging in conversation with a stranger for fear of where that conversation might take us? Are we afraid to look within our souls and see our own short-comings that might arise in a conversation?

I just had a conversation with a wonderful man I met at my favorite coffeeshop.  When I awoke this morning, I didn’t have an agenda or a plan.  I just knew that I needed to be around community.  So, I sucked it up, drove the 20 minutes to my favorite coffeeshop and knew that I’d see someone I know and want to talk with, someone to engage with and contemplate something meaningful.  I saw several friends, and then happened to share a conversation with this new person.  Randomly.  And the conversation was so refreshing and invigorating, that I had forgotten how much I miss the beauty of a random conversation.

And we spoke about our interpretations of society and our generation.  We spoke of real topics, of life and something of consequence. We spoke about the art of conversation.

And I sit here now, reflecting on the conversation and wishing that it could continue.  This person I met is just here visiting, so I don’t know if our paths will cross again.  It’s possible, but even just the fact that these chance meetings occur- the fact that two strangers can cross paths and engage in meaningful conversation, becoming something more than strangers, is so incredibly refreshing. To know that possibility exists, and to actually have the opportunity arise, gives me hope that there are more chance meetings in my future.

And it reinforces the actual act of seeking community, reinforces the need to enter the community and find like minded beings.  For life should truly be a series of chance meetings and artful conversations that either evolve into lasting friendships or live on in our memories as the opportunity for something fabulous.
These chance meetings motivate us to enter the world and seek out people who share our interests, our beliefs, our understandings.  To seek people that understand and respect the power of a community gathering place.

To seek people that are not scared of the conversation, people that are willing and able to look deep within themselves while talking with a stranger and not be scared of what they see.  People that value the art of the conversation and the true beauty of spending several hours on a summer morning talking over a cup of coffee.

That’s the beauty of the Third Place.  That’s the art of conversation.  We should all seek more of this art, more of this beauty.  Maybe we’d find more fulfillment in our lives if it was filled with conversation and community- rather than consumption and solitary pursuits.

Now go- find your Third Place, your community gathering spot and strike up that random conversation.  Go.  Now.